Steve and my mom have been friends for almost thirty years now. He’s her “fishing buddy” but his nickname to us is Space Alien. Steve’s been by our side through four weddings and a few funerals. He is the only person I know who doesn’t eat anything at my mother’s glorious dinner parties and sometimes, brings his own roasted turkey and canned peas while we feast on a table-full of fabulous Country Pan-Asian cuisine!
About seventeen years ago, Steve bought my mom a birthday gift she’ll always remember. Not because she treasured it but because the story has been retold so many times that we all remember the gift!
According to legend, my mom opened a “mystery gift” and plugged it in. After hearing only a faint humming noise, seeing no other features and having no earthly idea what the thing was, she assumed it was broken and disappointedly, threw it in the trash. “How did you like your gift?” asked Steve. Feeling bad, my mom quickly said, “Fine” and tried to change the subject. Steve continued, “Well, I hope you’ll like it because I special ordered it from Hammacher Schlemmer and it’s been a life-saver for me.” Sheepishly, my mom asked, “What was, I mean, what is it?” Steve said it was a “sleep sound generator,” a noise blocker to help her sleep. “Ohhhhhhh!” as she dug through the trash to find the device.
After that, Steve doesn’t order gifts for Margaret anymore. Now, every year when her birthday comes around, they do the same ritual. He escorts her to the Macy’s Shiseido cosmetics counter and she picks out her favorite facial cream. He asks for the price, and upon hearing, exclaims, “for a GALLON??” He then wraps it and gives it to her after dinner. They have performed this tradition every year for the last seventeen years now. My mother is thrilled with her new Shiseido Man and no more gadgets from Steve go in the landfill!
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